Behind the Scenes: That Time I Shut Down My Studio and Went Back to Full-Time work
This is a story about a time I changed my mind… and then changed my mind again. And what it taught me about life, humility, and never saying never.
Let’s set the stage – the year is 2016, I am 28 years old, and at this time I had been running my studio full-time for about a year and a half and I was LOVING it. This was exactly what I had dreamed of! After years of your typical 8–5 kinda jobs, I was out on my own and soaking up every second. I had three retainer clients (40, 40, and 10 hours/month) who were wonderful, and one of them had been sort of passively recruiting me away from my studio since the day we started working together.
Finally after a few months I said something along the lines of “Maybe you could put together an offer and we can talk about what me coming onboard would look like?” A few weeks later, a contract was in place and I was gearing up for a major shift. I was joining the team to fill a Creative Director role and oversee creative decision making for the brand. I was really excited.
Reasons I was open to returning to full-time work:
Money: I negotiated a great salary and it was guaranteed pay
People: I loved the team and knew them very well after over a year of retainer work
Growth: The brand was on a major upward swing, and it was intriguing to be part of the growth phase
Peace: Working for yourself can be really mentally exhausting. Taking the full-time job meant I would shut down my freelance work and have one, singular focus.
To paint a bit clearer picture for you – at this time in my life I was really in an era of total freedom and I spent almost all of my not working hours outside. (Or in orangetheory classes!) I loved hiking, camping, adventuring, exploring, doing just about anything outdoors. I worked from home, so I was always just seconds away from throwing on my favorite boots and slipping outside for a quick walk.
My new job meant five days per week in the office. In downtown Minneapolis. In the highest skyscraper in the city.
But I accepted the job. Shut down my studio. Emailed every single client that I was working with and told them I was no longer providing design services. And honestly? I loved it. I wore business clothes and heels. I took the city bus downtown every day. I just completely and totally embraced every second of this chapter of my life and really tried to own it.
Without a doubt the most amazing part about this job was not the job. It was the people. I had spent 1.5 years working from home with retainer clients (so I was still having really deep and meaningful and ongoing relationships), but it just wasn’t the same. Walking through the skyway with a colleague to grab coffee. Popping into someone’s office to say hi. Wearing real clothes. I was ON CLOUD NINE. It was probably the most fun I have ever had professionally. But.
After about 10 months I realized two things.
1) Being a creative director was not the job for me. I realized that I actually don’t love weighing in on a ton of high level creative decisions. (This realization has since shaped my business tremendously and is why I don’t offer abundant creative services outside of design). I love creating things. I love making things. I am an in the trenches kind of gal. And I really missed doing my bread and butter work every day.
2) I couldn’t keep up with the pace. I can’t really emphasize how much fun this job was. It was so. fun. But, it was a start up, and it moved at a fast pace. And I should note that I am someone who is known for working FAST. I will literally get inquiries in my inbox that say “I heard from X that you can get projects over the finish line quickly” – that is my vibe, I love it, I own it. But, the day to day was wearing on me. This company was skyrocketing to success and it took a toll.
So, I decided to leave. It was one of the harder decisions I have made in my life, and working up the courage to do it felt impossible, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
Here’s what I learned:
Never Say Never
Stay open minded. Try new things! You might love it, or you might hate it – and both are worthwhile outcomes. What if you look back and you never tried anything new? This might not apply to changing careers, but it certainly can apply to our everyday lives. Within the last year I have tried things I swore I would NEVER do (design intensives are an example) and learned so much from the process.
Full-Time Jobs Are Awesome
If you have been around for a while you have probably heard me say many times that I think full-time jobs are really great. And it’s totally unrealistic and unfair and sort of destructive to paint them as the worst case scenario. There is a cultural obsession with “ditching your 9–5” but you don’t have to! You can still be free in a full-time job! The emotional cushion of a full-time job with a team where your problems are rarely just YOUR problems and the energy of working towards a common goal with other people? I mean, there is nothing like it! Also keep in mind that my full-time era was 2010-2017. Things have changed so much since then. Boundaries, remote work… I really feel like you can “have it all” (or a lot closer to it!) in 2023.
There is Enough Time
My favorite college professor was really cool. She was hip, a typographic genius, and really generous with her time. I totally idolized her, and one day, after college, I called her for advice. I was worried I didn’t know what I wanted to do anymore. What type of designer I wanted to be. What job should I take?? What was next for me?? What if I got it wrong??
And in her classic, calm, cool, Connie way, she said “Olivia, there will be enough time in your life to do everything you want to to do.” And you know what? She was so right. Over the past 13 years I have been working I have done a little bit of this, a little bit of that, changed, offered new things, altered course, managed projects I knew nothing about, and my hope is that, in the end, it will all add up to a beautiful career. Will it be a straight, linear path? Absolutely not. Life keeps us guessing. But we’re so lucky to be here. So all we can really do is make the most of it.
No One is Thinking About You
When I realized I needed to leave this job… I was so embarrassed. Tremendously embarrassed. I was convinced that everyone would think that I had failed, that I had made an unwise choice, that I was leaving my new job too soon, that I would never get another client. I was spent a lot of time thinking about what I thought other people were thinking about me.
And you know what? NO ONE said anything to me. Everyone just moved on because honestly? People are really busy. Most of us spend a lot of time thinking about our own family / kids / jobs / friends. I spend approximately 0 hours each week judging other people’s life choices and the odds are no one is really worried about mine either. So when you’re getting ready to launch something or try something new or change jobs or alter course – remember to set what you think other people are thinking aside. Take a deep breath, listen to your gut, and cross the starting line.